![]() ![]() And the film’s titles are required by law to either feature an exhausted holiday pun or a series of starkly descriptive nouns.įor example, The Knight Before Christmas is homophonic wordplay nodding at a classic holiday poem A Castle for Christmas is an extremely literal plot summary. The set-design budget must never exceed $40. An elderly man must haunt the city where the protagonists live, playing God. ![]() A monarch and a journalist must have a charged interaction, often of a romantic nature. The central conflict must revolve around class consciousness and the bucking of some social hierarchy in the name of spontaneous lust, after which a rich person learns to be more poor and subsequently happier (Netflix is in the pocket of American oligarchs whose fates rely on this coded cinematic brainwashing of the proletariat). Each film must feature a dead woman, a sad widower, a failing local service business, and a disturbingly precocious daughter whose incessant smile or furious frown indicate how well they have processed and integrated their mother’s untimely passing. ![]() Lindsay Lohan fell - that is to say, from grace, and as a leap of faith, across genres and generations and the shadow of her own public crises, and into the underworld - in the interest of Christmas.īy law, Netflix Christmas rom-coms have several tenets they must adhere to. ![]()
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